Malika Marie

May 16, 2012

Thailand Daydreaming

I think I am tired of doing. For a moment in my life, I want to rest and do absolutely nothing. No work, no homework, no papers, no talking, no thinking, no listening, but just do nothing. Obviously that entails of not being able to type or write but I mean, I’m just being philosophical here. Read between the lines, you know?

In 3 months, I go to Thailand, and I cannot wait. I’m heading out with my sister and her boyfriend and I am more than looking forward to the experience. And shall it be interesting. I cannot wait for the break. A foreign land, an unspeakable language, unknown words, and an unfamiliar life. Sure, it’s only for 2 weeks, but with anything, the first 2 weeks are always the best. Like … a crush. In 2 weeks, your heart beats faster, and the thrill feels way more … real.

Too deep? … nah. It’s just how I feel.

Now, I’m going to go back to staring at my screen, do absolutely nothing, and lose myself in my Thailand daydreaming …

May 8, 2012

The End …

The sad part of my story is that I will never get the chance to explain myself. The chance is gone, and I lost something I could compare to gold. My vulnerability was taken advantage of, I was weak, and I lost control. The result, the loss of something I considered beautiful. Who’s fault? No one but myself. I’m a big girl. I know my limits, yet at times, they get pushed by others.

Why? Because I’m vulnerable.

I wish I could take it back, I wish it never happened, and I wish I wasn’t so vulnerable. I’m weak and I have to learn to be strong. Learn to say no with my mind, my words, and my body. Vulnerability has no bad intentions, but when the wrong person comes into your life, they can take that vulnerability and make you out to be a monster. I’m vulnerable but I am no monster, yet … I feel like one.

The positives of this sad story? Life moves on and I have the chance to make things right, for myself and for my future. I have the chance to learn from my mistake and know when something good comes my way, hold onto it, no matter how long it lasts, and no matter how quick it begins. I made a mistake, a big one, and if I knew what I know now, I know things would have been different. But they weren’t. My decisions led me to something wrong, but yet, made me understand that it is something I will change.

If I could, I would change everything to make it better but life doesn’t work like that. It’s not that easy and I understand. I will take the consequences and acknowledge that I did something wrong. The best part about that is I get the chance learn, and I will better myself to become an even better me.

Thought of the day: Stop screwing around. Get serious. and don’t ever take anything good for granted.

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April 21, 2012

me, myself, and i

I am, in a relationship … with myself. One morning you wake up and realize that the only person you want to share your life with is … you. When that happens, for some reason, nothing else really matters. You learn how to protect yourself, how to keep your guard up. You even start to prefer going home and be alone, then to go out and party all night long. For now, being alone is a level of tranquility. Something I never had and something I want to cherish. Cherish for who knows how long. The only person that can disappoint you is yourself, and when that happens, you learn from it. You know your mistakes and you become better, at whatever it is.

For now, being alone, it’s stress free. You have your moments, of wanting someone, but at the end of the day, having you all to yourself is more than one can ask for.

Thought of the day: Being single. It ain’t so freaking bad after all …

April 4, 2012

26

… the number that has been running through my head the past month.

‘I.turn.26′

I keep telling myself.

See … I don’t want to turn 26. I feel torn between the 2 thoughts of my heart feeling like I’m 16 and my mental thoughts progressively moving to the thought of ‘I have to be an adult now.’

I lay on the edge of my bed, hair in golden curls, jeans, a loose top, and my dog to the left of me.

Zoey … she’s one interesting character.

This urge of writing overcasts my mind and I tell myself I have 15 minutes until I have to go to work … so I shall write. About something … anything … turning 26 maybe?

So I write.

Thoughts of my Wednesday morning: I don’t want to turn 26.

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February 22, 2012

I think I am intimidated by my own writing. How do I explain something like that? I mean, I guess it’s my Shakespearean way of saying I should write more. I always say that, Malika you need to write more. The scary thing about that is, you know – the ‘intimidating’ factor part of it, is that my writing tells the truth. The things I really feel. The things that really happen, which at times are the things I don’t want to face. So, with that being said, I find myself saying, why would I want to write about it?

But -

I need to write more.

Like always, I want to talk about love, so you’ll hear a lot of it.

Here’s my thought of the day:

At the end of the day, some people don’t mix. They just don’t. It’s not your fault, it’s not my fault, and it’s really not anybody’s fault. It just doesn’t work. And with that being said, people like that, should maintain as those you say only hello, and goodbye to. Nothing more and nothing less.

Lesson #1: Never give yourself up too easily. Keep your guard up, and know when to say hi or even, a little more.

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